Sorry....

This weekend, just like any other, we had a meet.
This Monday morning, just like any other, our alarms went off at 5:30am to get us started on another week of practice.

Every Monday morning, I fight with myself.
"get out of bed!"
"no!! why are you even swimming in the first place, no one should have to get up this early."
"you're dedicated to your sport that's why. You have goals."
"ughhhhhhhhhhh"

And the battle continues like that week after week.

I try not to complain because I did this to myself. But when I can't keep my eyes open to do a homework assignment, it's hard to not get frustrated. When I'm spending the same amount or more time on athletics than I am on academics, I get worried.

Waking up before 6 does not make the days fly by. Running on 5 hours of sleep starts to take a toll on your body and mind. The less sleep I get, the more negative I become. The more unclear my thoughts become. The harder it is to stay focused in class. While in season, my temper seems shorter, my patience seems thin, and my focus seems non-existent.
I'm sorry to my teachers for falling asleep in class.
& I'm sorry to anyone I get angry with for no reason. But thank you for being patient with me.

I have been injured this year. I don't even know what's wrong with me. All i do know is that my shoulder is in pain. Some of the slightest, easiest movements make me cringe because a sudden shock is sent throughout my arm. When it first started, I couldnt help but tell people that something was wrong. But then I began to realize that some people didnt want to hear my problems. They would block me out and change the subject anytime I talked about my shoulder. So i stopped talking about it. It still hurts. & I still don't know what's wrong with me.
I'm sorry to anyone I complained to who didn't want to hear it. But thank you for listening.

Overall, I'm sorry that swimming effects my personal interactions and mood each day.
But I'm not sorry because swimming is there for me no matter what mood I'm in, no matter how injured I may be, no matter how tired I may be. Swimming knows how to put me down, but better than anyone or anything else, swimming knows how to pick me up.